*sigh*

Sorry guys, I know I haven't posted in awhile. I was trying to find another way to blog. I'm too lazy to make a layout for this, so I was going to attempt one else where. I got bored and came back here.

I know I haven't posted in like forever, so I'll try to get up to date.

Puerto Rico was awesome! So many once in a life time experiences. My top 3 favorite things were Bio Bay, the Rain forest, and the food... Come on.. you guys know me well enough to know I love food by now :)

The whole experience was wonderful. I'd love to go back sometime. I want to take my mother there to see the place. She'd love Bio Bay.


Ever since I got off the plane, and got back to Mass, I've had this awful cold. It's going on 3 weeks of this thing, and I've given it to everyone who's been around me, so stay away. I really just wanna feel better, but I don't know when it will happen.

Ehh

Well it's been a long few days. I can't stand this depression I'm dealing with. I keep trying to have fun, but nothing seems to keep me happy pertinently. I'm just not happy with myself

I feel like I have so many problems and issues, that trying to go and work on them is just impossible. Not to mention overwhelming, and annoying.

Right now I'm trying to focus on my trip. There's really nothing else super exciting going on in my life. I went to get my photo ID today. I need that to get on the plane.

Tomorrow I'm going flip-flop shopping, and possibly looking for some 'beach' cloths. I may want another bathing suite since I'm probably going to be in water everyday, and I only have three =P

As soon as I know what tours and such we are planning on doing, I get to calculate my spending money. Which, of course, if you know me at all, is the most important part of the trip! Shopping!

Right now I should really get to bed. I'm tired, and I have been sleeping way to much lately. It's part of the depression. I have no will to get up, because there's not happy about being awake.. at least in my dreams I'm semi-happy =P

Soo Much Pain

I woke up today in extreme pain. I'm now convinced that braces are the most painful thing man has ever created. Breathing hurts.. I'm afraid to know what will happen when I try to eat anything solid.

I really wanna just curl up into a ball and die at the moment. I'm starving but I can't eat, and I have to go to work. Someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery =(

=(

I've been feeling really down for the past few weeks, and I can not figure out why. I don't feel like going out, getting dressed, or even waking up. I've been staying up late, and watching TV all night. I've been doing just about nothing for those few weeks.

When I've tried to get myself to do something useful, I never manage to actually get it done. I just tell myself I'm depressed and don't wanna do it right now.. and it doesn't get done.. which makes me more depressed.

I feel so disabled. I really do. I don't want to do anything, because I'm depressed, which makes me more depressed that nothing's getting done. I'm just so lazy, and I don't know how to break the cycle. No one can make me do anything, because I rebel against authority, but I have no self control, so it just doesn't get done.

I'm supposed to work tomorrow, or today, since it's 1:33 am... but I just don't want to. I don't wanna wake up in the morning, I don't want to get dressed. I really don't even want to eat, but I force myself.

I feel horrible. I feel fat because I don't get any exercise, and I feel ugly because I can't go out and buy clothes, because I don't have a job. I don't have a job because I don't wanna get up in the morning... will the madness ever end?

Soo Confused

I've come to a self realization. Most of my guy friends come to me for girl help. This is a fact. However, what I don't understand, is how I can help them with everything, and apparently my advice works, because they come back, yet I make all the mistakes I tell them not to, in my own relationships.

I don't know how to advice myself. I don't understand how I can help everyone around me, but I can't help myself to save my life.

I'm assuming it's because I'm on the outside looking in, but when it's myself, my emotions are involved. I wish I could have my advice recorded, so I can read it.

I should make a recording of me yelling at myself, for being stupid because of my emotions. I know this will happen. It always happens. Once my emotions are involved, my brain goes away. What I don't understand is how I can help some people that I am somewhat attracted to. It's not like I don't like these guys.

It's not like they aren't possibilities in my head, while some aren't, some are. How can I sit there, and when I like someone get all confused, but if someone asks me for advice, if I like them or not, I can tell them what to do?

Hmm...

Well It's been awhile since I posted last, and I realize this. It's not that I've been super busy, but lately I've been lacking creativity. I keep trying to make pages, and graphics, but they all turn out.. plain. It's either I've sucked all along but was blind to it, or I've lost my creativity. I hope its not gone for good.

Aside from that, there hasn't really been a lot going on. I've bought a new Bikini for my Puerto Rico trip.. since my other ones were... well.. a little too.. small.. So I got a new one. I'm so excited for my trip. I've been thinking of all the things we are going to do!

Other than that stuff, I've been trying to get my Mage on World of Warcraft to level 80. I hate the leveling process so it hasn't been the funniest thing ever, but I've managed to get to 78. I'm working on leveling a Paladin now. So to my WoW friends.. pally help please? KTHXBYE <3s