=(

I've been feeling really down for the past few weeks, and I can not figure out why. I don't feel like going out, getting dressed, or even waking up. I've been staying up late, and watching TV all night. I've been doing just about nothing for those few weeks.

When I've tried to get myself to do something useful, I never manage to actually get it done. I just tell myself I'm depressed and don't wanna do it right now.. and it doesn't get done.. which makes me more depressed.

I feel so disabled. I really do. I don't want to do anything, because I'm depressed, which makes me more depressed that nothing's getting done. I'm just so lazy, and I don't know how to break the cycle. No one can make me do anything, because I rebel against authority, but I have no self control, so it just doesn't get done.

I'm supposed to work tomorrow, or today, since it's 1:33 am... but I just don't want to. I don't wanna wake up in the morning, I don't want to get dressed. I really don't even want to eat, but I force myself.

I feel horrible. I feel fat because I don't get any exercise, and I feel ugly because I can't go out and buy clothes, because I don't have a job. I don't have a job because I don't wanna get up in the morning... will the madness ever end?