Being Sick Sucks

There's nothing I hate more than being sick, and this cold I have couldn't have come at a worse time. I just got my braces on, so eating wasn't the easiest thing in the world for me. The first two days were pure torture. On top of that, I had just lot my job, which is a long, dramatic story. Maybe if I get really bored I'll tell everyone, that is, if anyone actually wants to hear it. I think I got away from the topic.. right.. my cold.. this cold is horrific. I can't hear out of my ears, I can't breathe through my nose, my eyes are all red, and I have a really bad cold soar.

For some reason, I am all messed up as far as what day it is. I woke up this morning thinking it was Wednesday, saying, 'where is dan, he doesn't have to be at work for another hour, mom said he was working to 7 on Wednesday which means he had to go in 2 hours later' and literally 10 minutes later I remember thinking 'omg its Tuesday and I haven't studied for the meeting tonight!' and it wasn't like I realized it wasn't Wednesday. They were both paniced reactings, and true. I honestly thought it was those days, and didn't realized that I did it twice in a short period of time with two different days until Treysa knocked on my door for our bible study. Then I remembered it was Monday, and realized that it wasn't Wednesday, or Tuesday lol.

We didn't even have our study. We were both sick, so we sat there chatting about people and events. We talked about the family dinner. She's not really family, but she's one of the 'adopted' family members I mentioned in an earlier post. You see.. my cousin Crystal is her best friend and they lived together for a time. Treysa was also my baby sitter until I didn't need one anymore. I consider her the big sister I never had.

After that, I went upstairs to check my phone and that's when I realized the whole driver's ed thing. Yes I do realize I am skipping around like a mad woman. I figured if I'm going to post about my day, I might as well include my 'big sister'. It's only fair, don't you think?

What ended up happening with that, was he called me, left me a message saying that he was at my house, and that I hadn't called to cancel. He also said he was going to wait a few more minutes, then leave.. I didn't get the phone, and he left a few minutes later. We haven't called to reschedule, but I'm totally going to have my mother do it.

Speaking of my mother, she wasn't happy with the situation, as I knew she wouldn't be. We got into a tiny fight, and by tiny, I mean loud talking.. then it was over. She realized it was both of our faults. She had forgotten about the money, I and totally forgot to remind her. So we went to walmart and got dinner, and snakes.

I got this Pumpkin Cheesecake and it's heavenly. It's like pumpkin pie, with a hint of cheesecake to it. It's soo good. It's also mushy and I don't have to chew it. That's always a plus when your gums hurt.


I spent a lot of time thinking today. Thinking about my flaws, and things I need to work on. I've realized that my biggest problem is my obbsessive / addictive personality. Once I start something, I tend to get addicted, and stopping isn't even thought of. Look at me with Avatar. The mear thought of the show gets me all excited, then depressed that it ended. I mean, I was in love with a charicter... not even an actor.. just a drawn image. I always told myself that it was good. It meant I wasn't shallow, and that I went by personality, but that's something I've known for a long time.

Sometimes my addictions are harmless. There's nothing wrong with watching House, and nothing wrong with keeping up with CSI. Those addictions aren't as strong, and they aren't a dangor. My Avatar addiction, now that.. if the show continued.. it would have eaten me up. It was already to the point where every night there was some form of bending in my dreams.. and when I took a shower.. I would try to bend the water. Luckly for me, my obbsession never made me punch a rock. I guess inside I always knew the water wasn't going to move, and when I punched towards fire, it wouldn't move either.. but I had to try.

Avatar was always important to me. I use to dream that it was real. That there was some paralelle univers that only benders could accsess.. and that someday, I'd be found by them.. and that I'd be the Avatar of this universe.. Yeah I know.. I'm insane, and crazy.. and I belong in a mental instetution.. but to be honest.. I tried that, and I didn't belong there. Even the other patients knew that =P but that's really a story for another day.

Anyway, my point, is that today in walmart.. I walked by the book section. I saw the Twilight book. Now I saw that movie less than a week ago, and it's all I've been thinking about. I don't know if it's me, or the fact that everywhere I look there's something about Twilight, but I can feel that the obbsession is there. I know I will fall in love with Edward, just like I knew I'd fall for Zuko. I'm trying so hard not to give in. I could have gotten that book. I know my mom never says no to me reading.. but let's say I got it. What would happen?

I'll tell you what. I wouldn't do anything but read. I'd read the whole thing in one day. That's no exaderation. I read all of "Thirteen Reasons Why" the day I got it. Once I get into a story, there's no turing back. I know if I read those books, I'll be gone, into that world. Another imaginary world.. that there's no hope I'll ever get to be part of.

I guess my point is, I don't really know where to go from here. I know my problem is there, but there is such a draw.. I want to read them so bad.. I WANT to get closer to Edward.. and I want him to be real..

Maybe my draw to these fictional charicters has something to do with the fact that they'll never turn me down. They aren't real, and they don't know me. Even if they pick another girl, I can argue and justify it in my head 'well I wasn't an option'. That's what I said when Zuko and Mai ended up together.